On Being an Expat and Watching a Disaster From Afar

I have gone through so many emotions since Katrina hit the Gulf Coast.

I love New Orleans. I've visited the city many times. It's hard to put into words, but when I am in the city, my soul feels at home. I'm not necessarily a believer in past lives, but if I did have one, it was in New Orleans - that's how much I respond to the city on a molecular level.

So merely as someone who loves a place that has been damaged and hurt, I weep.

I also care a great deal for animals. I am so upset that the Aquarium of the Americas has lost most of its aquatic collection, and so very thankful that the animals at the Audubon Zoo and Center for Reproduction of Endangered Species have mostly survived and are healthy. My thoughts and prayers are with the good people of the Humane Society, ASPCA, Noah's Wish, the LSU Veternary School, Best Friends, Alley Cats Association and others who are working to rescue pets, strays, wildlife and farm animals from the damaged area. The Humane Society banner for donations is above. If you would like to donate to the Zoo and Aquarium, the Lincoln Park Zoo is spearheading fundraising efforts here: https://www.lpzoo.org/hurricane/relief.html

Above all, I am an American citizen who is deeply ashamed of her country's leadership. Ashamed and angry. The images on the television screen were shocking, disgusting and appalling. The British press consistently wonders why Sri Lanka, Thailand, India and Malaysia - all much poorer countries with far less resources - were able to give a much higher standard of care to their tsunami victims than the richest, most arrogant country in the world could give to victims of an event for which there was ample warning. British Superdome refugees are arriving home and going on television to choke up about the unspeakable horrors they witnessed.

But I guess Bush thought it more important to stay on his vacation and sing and joke with a country-western star than to worry about the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. Considering that the only thing that seems to stimulate him is oil, the fact that he let one of the major oil producing, refining and shipping areas get to its deplorable post-hurricane condition really speaks badly for how other, much less important when it comes to oil, areas of the country will fare in a different emergency. Meanwhile, Rumsfeld took in a San Diego Padres game and Condi shopped for shoes in New York City and went to see Spamalot (about another deluded would-be monarch) while people suffered the stuff of apocolyptic nightmares. Lives were lost needlessly thanks to the Bush adminstration and FEMA's criminal negligence and incompetence.

I am so, so mad. And tearful. But now, mostly mad.

If you don't think that Bush's actions are affecting how people in other countries see ordinary Americans, think again.

Last weekend, my husband and I went on an organized tour to the Champagne region of France. We traveled with 36 Brits, ranging in age from mid-twenties to around late sixties. On our first night, we gathered for our comparative champagne testings. A family, two parents with two grown daughters about my age, arrived too late to get a table that would seat all four together. So the parents came to sat at our table. One of the daughters came over to introduce herself.

My huband said his name, and she said, while moving on to shake my hand, "Oh, do I detect a Northern Irish accent?"

I said, "No, we're American."

"Oh, American!" And she dropped my hand as if I had said, "No, I have leprosy."

She - and the rest of her family - didn't say another word to us all weekend. The other tour members were polite to us, but we would catch snippets of discussion about Katrina - and how terribly the Americans were dealing with it - all weekend long. The conversation would die as soon as they realized we had entered the space.

They were nice, intelligent, educated people. And the waves of disgust emanating from them toward the United States was practically visible.

One of the things I miss most living abroad is having a shared culture with the people I encounter. Knowing proper line (or queue, as I say now) etiquette. Knowing what expectations to reasonably have vis-a-vis customer service. Cultural in-jokes. Above all, I miss not being judged simply on my accent. (The Brits, on the other hand, have accent-judging down to an art. Not just American/Australian/Indian subcontinent/etc., but Essex vs. the north vs. Cornwall vs. posh public school vs. S London, etc)

But right now I feel out of step with my culture, with my country. How can any reasonable individual with a modicum of ethical awareness support the current adminstration? And yet, so many people apparently do.

Katrina has made me a woman without a country to call my own. I'm truly an expat.