New year, new attitude, new blogger - no, same old attitude and blogger

Like death and taxes, one more thing that has become inevitable is the annual "for your security" go around with my UK bank.

I've had a bank account in the US for, um, let's just say if my bank account were a person it would be old enough to attend university. It's a very big bank, one that, through the years and mergers, is now one of the largest in the US. One would think when it comes to account screwups and security breaches and customer no-service, the US bank would be heads and shoulders above a UK bank that has far less clients and covers far less geographical ground.

One would think.

In my mumble-mumble years of banking with Big US Bank, I've had zero issues. Internet banking? Sign on up! Add my new husband to the account? Here's his working ATM card before we leave the bank! Go a bit crazy at Christmas? Purchases authorized, no problem!

In my less than five years with Mid-Sized UK Bank:
Number of cards cloned: three

Number of phone calls made by store clerks to the bank to authorize my purchases while throngs of exasperated Christmas shoppers shoot me the evil eye for holding up the queue, even though the bank account was fully flush with money: too painful to recall right now, still suffering post tramautic shopping stress syndome.

Internet banking: Can't sign up online. Have to call the bank, have them send you an authorization form, send back the form, receive authorization number, then input said number within a certain number of days. Then use a plastic card reader, also sent separately, that looks like a cheap calculator to access account. Which makes accessing your account from, say, work rather problematic unless one wants to carry around a plastic card reader that looks like a cheap calculator.

I've been without a working ATM card for over a week now, which is really handy. Use a credit card, I hear some of you sneer. Why, I'd love to. Unfortunately, although the UK does use a National Insurance Number to identify you for tax purposes - but the NIN is NOT the same as your UTP, or Unique Tax Payer number - the country's banks do not use either number in the way US banks use Social Security numbers. Therefore, there is no universally accepted identification code that identifies you as, well, you.

What do the banks use to ensure they are giving credit cards to real people? Your address. And to back up the address, your voter registration.

Only one problem. We're not eligible to vote, not being UK or Commonwealth citizens. So we aren't on the voter rolls. And we're renters, so too many people who aren't us are associated with the address.

So we can't get a UK credit card. Believe me, we've tried. Not even Mid-Sized UK Bank will give us one, aside from our ATM cash card.

But we do have a bank account. Back to it: I received a phone call on New Year's Eve telling me that the police had reported my ATM card number as having been cloned. No unauthorized purchases had been made on the card, and the card was in my possession.

They sent me a new card in the mail. But it had to be authorized. Y'know, that thing you do in the States by calling a number and punching in a few answers. But according to the accompanying paperwork, it could be authorized by:
1) Going to a branch
2) Sending it in the mail

We went to the branch. Ah, but we bank with the offshore branch, so we can't use branches located on the mainland UK. The man at the mainland branch said he would fax it to the offshore branch for us. Then his boss showed up and said, no, they can't fax, but they can mail it for us. My husband rightly pointed out that, gee, we could pop it in the mail ourselves, thankyouverymuch, if that was truly all the extent of the service they could offer. Yep, that was it.

We called the offshore branch. Hey! They can authorize it over the phone! Yay!

What they failed to tell me was that my PIN would no longer work. No, THAT has to be mailed to me.

When I asked why, they told me it was for my security.

So let's review.

Mumble-dy years with Big US Bank that lets me access my account on the internet with no fuss, no muss sign-up or card reader, a bank that lets me authorize my card with a pushbutton telephone call - ZERO security breaches to date (knock wood).

Less than five years with Mid-Sized UK Bank, which makes me jump through hoops and wait for paperwork via snailmail - THREE security breaches.

Tell me again why so much inconvenience supposedly results in a more secure bank account?